So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
