.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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