summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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