I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
