Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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