I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
