I skipped work to stalk him.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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