Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The air was thick with penises
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
