You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
