the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Randomize
