Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There r osticjed everywhere
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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