she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sorry my hands just texted you
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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