I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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