Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
