Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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