Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
