You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
