I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
