i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
