i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
