Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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