I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
