Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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