i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
