Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
