If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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