what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
