Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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