I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't deserve a penis
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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