Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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