I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
