Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
