I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
