his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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