they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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