Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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