So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
