Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Rumble strips road head = magical
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
