we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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