Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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