Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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