trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
