help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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