i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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