dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
