they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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