Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
