The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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