Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
