Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
