return my video game
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
